


goodbye, winter

by dreaminadream



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bang Chan is Whipped, Bang Chan-centric, Comforting Seungmin, Crying, Day6 - Freeform, M/M, Mentions of Day6 - Freeform, Phone Calls & Telephones, Rly just 1k words of angst, Taco Bell, Texting, Unrequited Love, and chan crying abt changbin, changbin doesn’t like chan back so chan cries about it, kinda short, lapslock, seungmin is a sweetheart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 09:33:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23848999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreaminadream/pseuds/dreaminadream
Summary: chan just wished he could take all his feelings about changbin and tell them goodbye.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Seo Changbin, Lee Felix/Seo Changbin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	goodbye, winter

**Author's Note:**

> this is just a short angsty fic and i definitely did bot vicariously live through chan writing it

chris sat in his car, parked in front of the taco bell at 2 am because no other place was open. he had two chalupas and a queserito in his lap, a baja blast in his cup holder, and tears running down his cheeks as he read the last message his friend sent to the groupchat.

“felix asked me out!” it read. and chan knew the only thing he could do was be happy for changbin, but that was the last thing he could be. that’s what allowed him to find himself in a taco bell parking lot at two in the morning, crying while his bluetooth radio played day6 at a low volume. 

he felt miserable. 

he knew his chances with changbin were fabricated from nothingness, that changbin was naturally responsive to flirting and that he should not have let himself think his words meant that much. he knew he was way in over his head and that there would be no real point in even trying to get changbin’s attention when changbin’s attention remained invested in people other than him. 

“nice shot!”

jisung had responded to the three person groupchat, congratulating the shorter boy on his pull. chris just cried into his taco, trying to stifle the noises. chris picked up his baja freeze, sipping the ice cold drink to the point of brain freeze that he anything but regretted. 

he knew he had to respond to the message. chris knew that changbin expected some type of happy response but chris couldn’t find it in himself to wretch out a lie about how happy he was for him because he simply wasn’t. 

chris knew it was immature of him to feel repulsed by the idea of changbin being happy with anyone but himself—toxic, even, but he didn’t care. all he cared about was crying into his food as he allowed sungjin to sing him into a spiral of emotions that he’d rather ignore than feel, but that’s what put him in this situation to begin with. 

he ignored how he felt about changbin, thinking it was small, until the day it all blew up in his face and he had a moment similar to the one he was having right now (it was mcdonald’s that time), and he called seungmin who allowed chris to cry for hours. frankly, he wanted to call seungmin now, but he knew seungmin was bad in these situations. chris really just wanted the comfort of a friend who knew what was happening. 

chris picked up his phone, ignoring changbin’s fit of happiness and jisung’s celebrations and went to his keypad, typing in seungmin’s number and praying he, too, would be awake at this hour. 

“hello?”

“hey, min, it’s me,” chris choked out. “can i talk to you?”

“yeah, of course,” seungmin replied. “what’s wrong?”

chris coughed on his tears, urging himself towards enough tranquility to properly speak. 

“changbin,” chris started. “he was asked out.”

seungmin was silent, and that silence was loud enough for chris to start crying again. 

“hey, chris, don’t cry,” seungmin’s words were calm and motherly, hushing his tears and comforting chris. he never understood how seungmin could achieve this without even being with him. 

“i just—idon’t know. i guess i was stupid and still thought things could happen but...”

“but?”

“but it won’t.”

seungmin sighed softly. “i’m sorry, channie. i know how much you like him.”

“it’s just so much, y’know? just months of the play flirting and stuff that gave me hope and shit and all the fucking pictures of him and—god, jesus christ,” chris explained. “i really thought maybe something could happen one day. and now i have all these feelings and i’ve been killing myself trying to get rid of them. i’ve done absolutely everything i can to get over him and...”

“chris, i promise you, it’ll be fine,” seungmin said with reassurance. 

“yeah, min, but what if it’s not?” chris asked. “what if i’m stuck with these feelings for years, i mean... it’s taken me so god damn long and when i finally think i’m over him something happens and reminds me that i’m not and i’m so fucking tired of not being able to even text him without feeling like i’m gonna throw up.”

chris’ eyes stung badly, like a thousand needles were poking his eyes as acid ran out of them. his being felt as if toxicity ran through each and every one of his veins, as if his feelings for changbin were strictly problematic. 

“seung, i hate waking up and immediately thinking about him,” chris explained. “and him not being there.”

chris shook in the silence of seungmin’s voice, the softness of jae’s, and the inconsistency of his own breathing, asking himself how he could feel everything and nothing all at once. 

he decided, in that moment, love fucks you up more than any other pain ever could. 

chris then realized that his phone had died, and that he had no use for it but to throw it onto the passenger seat and faceplant into his steering wheel, jumping at the sound of the horn. he took his moment of nothingness, wrapping up his food and putting it in his bag and put the car in drive. 

he sighed to himself, melting into the sound of the day6 playlist, peace finally taking over his emotionally shattered body. chris stared at the moon, thinking about how it had witnessed his despair and changbin’s happiness simultaneously. he wondered if it understood how he felt. 

all that chris knew in that moment was driving, so he drove. he drove until he couldn’t feel anymore, until his shaking sobs evened out and his breathing was normal again. 

he wasn’t happy by any means. chris honestly didn’t believe he could be happy anymore, not with changbin being happy without him. again, chris knew the toxicity of his thoughts, but again, he couldn’t help them. 

so chris drove away from his feelings until he could tell them goodbye.


End file.
